HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER VACATION

The light at the end of the tunnel is shining brightly these days, as I'm only ten (10!) days away from pin removal surgery. And I'm starting now to reflect on how I spent the last four and half months, and how different it was than I thought it would be.

When I first decided to have leg lengthening surgery, the idea of months of inactivity didn't really phase me. Actually, it was somewhat the opposite. Being inordinately lazy by nature, I saw it as a free pass to spend the summer on my couch, watching TV and movies and reading books and magazines and just relaxing.

But as soon as the lengthening started, I realized that I wouldn't be doing any of those fun things. The pain led to the drugs, which led to a complete inability to focus on anything, even a TV show. Reading was out of the question. The TV was generally on, and it did help distract from the pain somewhat, but I couldn't really tell you what I watched during that time. I remember watching a lot of The Cosby Show, but that's because at least two cable channels play it pretty much all night long, and since I didn't really sleep for the four weeks of lengthening, it seemed to be on all the time.

The only other thing I could manage to do during the lengthening period was play a hand-held version of Tetris that my sister-in-law got me. I'm telling you, if you ever have to experience an extended period of pain, get yourself a Tetris game. There's something about the simplicity of the game that requires very little concentration but also at the same time keeps your mind engaged enough to distract from the pain you're experiencing.

During the lengthening period was when I got the most visitors, but since I was so drugged up, I couldn't really enjoy them or even interact with them very much. Someone told me once to spread out my visitors, and in retrospect that certainly seems like good advice, also because visitors really do tire you out, as silly as that sounds.

Toward the end of the lengthening period, my head started to clear a bit and I could focus enough to watch TV. This was probably because I was now addicted to Vicodin, so it wasn't making me as out of it as it used to. I was able to get in a couple of TV shows on DVD and a couple of movies before the lengthening period ended and the Vicodin withdrawal period began.

Even though June was technically the hardest month, because it was the lengthening month, I hope I never have to live a month like July ever again. In fact, I would take four Junes over just one July. The combination of having to go back to work after six weeks away, being on crutches, and going through Vicodin withdrawal made for some of the hardest days of my life.

Crutching around the apartment was one thing. Crutching around my office building was something else entirely. Never before did I realize how far away everything was. My arms were shot after just two days back at work. And on top of that, the Vicodin withdrawal, which I've gone into in much detail, was depleting any remaining strength I had. I went to bed every night at 7pm. Do you know how light it is outside at 7pm in the summer? July sucked.

By the end of July, though, I was almost off the Vicodin and almost off the crutches completely. I felt more like myself. I finally got my appetite back. I estimate that I lost about 15 pounds in the two months of being on pain medication and then going through withdrawal from that pain medication. Before the surgery I was a very healthy eater, but since I couldn't seem to eat anything during June and July, I started eating pretty much whatever I wanted, since I figured that if I wanted pancakes, I might as well eat them, since they might be the only thing I ate all day.

As a result, I gained back all the weight, and then some, during the month of August. I start eating better again in September, and if I can manage to not gain any more weight in the coming weeks of limited mobility after surgery, I will have gained only about five to seven pounds during this process, which is not so bad for four and half months of inactivity.

I think I was in too much pain in June and too tired in July to be depressed. That was the toughest part of August. I went six weeks without going to the doctor and seeing xrays to show me if my bone was growing as fast as it should. I had no idea if my bone was on track for a late October fixator removal, or if, because I was an adult, the process was going to take longer than even my doctor finally admitted to me it would take.

August is when my idea of what the leg lengthening process would be like came the most true. I watched a lot of TV, went through a lot of movies and even read some books. Whenever I wasn't at work, I just sat around my apartment and tried to relax. Going into the process, I thought August would be my last month, but now knowing that I had two and half more months left, at least, made August the most difficult month psychologically.

September was easier in all regards. I was usually able to get out of the house once on a weekend, even if it was just to have brunch in my neighborhood, and since I still had Fridays off from work, the three day weekends actually felt like enough time to rest up for four days of work. I even turned the TV off and starting spending most of my time planning for what I would do once the whole process was over. The list I came up with is below. I should post in a year and see how many of these things I actually wind up doing.

-take French lessons and go to Paris
-walk to and from work everyday
-do yoga
-transition to a mostly raw diet
-buy food primarily from farmer's markets
-buy a real piece of art for my apartment
-have an actual birthday party for myself
-visit our friends at their condo in Hawaii
-buy lots of cute new shoes that I don't have to worry about fitting a lift into!

Now that October is almost half over, and my surgery is coming up quickly, I'm feeling like I might actually make it out of this process alive. Though I feel physically and emotionally spent, I'm optimistic-- confident, even-- that in a just a few months, hopefully by the new year, it will all feel very much worth it.